Links
richard
facebook
myspace
h.s.runner
The Girl
Sarah. Nineteen. In College. Clarion Univ. PA. Boyfriend. In Love. Hottness. Clever. Witty. Trouble. Good Time.
Smiles
Frowns
Disclaimer
These are my words. My life chillaxin' in webspace. Feel free to read, feel free to not. That's about it when it comes to a disclaimer. Over it! Haha.
Somewhere in my midtwenties I'll own half the world.
...written on 2006-06-22, at 7:46 p.m.
Maybe I should just give up on men for a while?
They're a bit of a hassle. It might make life easier if I just gave up on all of them. Forget Richard for a while, let him get his life together, which he doesnt think needs to happen. I feel like if I break up with him though, the whole world will hate me. Maybe I should stop thinking about the rest of the world. Hell, I know I should stop thinking about them. But they're there. They're always fucking there. I only want it to be a break, one that we agree to mutually so that I don't have to stress about him being a fucking adult and he doesn't have to stress about me nagging him.
Damn it.
I wish this whole issue was more easily resolved. I wish that I could know all of the answers to my looming questions. But who doesn't right?
I wish that if I shouted to the heavens, asking if Richard were the man for me. The man I need. The man I prayed for so many years ago. Was he really the one? Is he? And I wish that I got a reply.
I'm so young. I love Richard with all of my heart, and I always will, no matter what happens... but I also want something more. I want him to be the man he needs to be, the man he should be, but I don't think he's ready for that yet. I think he's afraid to live. Afraid to leave his home and go out on his own.
I don't want a man like that. He's not young anymore. He can't say "I'm only 20 years old and in college." anymore. He's 24 years old. That's mid-twenties and he doesn't even have a degree. It's so upsetting when I think about how far behind he seems to be.
I want him to say he's going to do something and actually do it. I want him to be able to walk away from video games and feel okay about it. But it's his whole life. He makes it his whole life. Even I come after video games.
Damn it, damn it.
Now to go call him.
Sarah