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Sarah. Nineteen. In College. Clarion Univ. PA. Boyfriend. In Love. Hottness. Clever. Witty. Trouble. Good Time.
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These are my words. My life chillaxin' in webspace. Feel free to read, feel free to not. That's about it when it comes to a disclaimer. Over it! Haha.
There's a serious head injury, yes, just above her spine. In a coma?? WHAT?
...written on 2006-06-24, at 12:27 p.m.
I've given up on men for now.
I have Trevor at my back, pulling me toward him while whispering love words in my god damned ear. Then I have Richard at my front walking away.
Either way I feel ridiculously lonely right now.
Trevor isn't around to talk to me. I don't want to call him and be a stalker. Not my style. I need an air of "who cares" about me I guess.
Either way I'm sickened. I don't think I want to date Trevor. I don't need to fall for him. I really just don't.
Granted it takes me forever to fall in love but I know how I am. I get stuck. I get attatched too easily and just end up waiting around because I don't really care.
I think that's how I got so deep with Richard. Now I do love him... but I think in the beginning I only cared for him and slowly, after nearly three years it turned into full blown love.
I want to be with him. I want to be part of his family. I want him to grow up. I want him to remember to call me. I want him to finish school. I want him to not be afraid of life and all that's out there.
So, what I am doing now is just laying back and letting whatever happens happen. Richard and I talked for a maximum of five minutes yesterday. He called me after work at 4 and told me he'd call me back. Then I called him at 9:45 and he told me again he'd call me back "soon". He still hasn't called me back.
I'm not going to try calling him again. If he wants to talk to me he knows the number. Until then, I'll be chillin', wishing I had a life.
Honestly, I wish that Trevor would call me right now and ask if he could come visit me. That would be an exciting adventure and exactly what I needed.
Fuck me.
I hate life right now.
Someone please put me in a coma for a good five weeks.
Thanks.
Sarah