Links
richard
facebook
myspace
h.s.runner
The Girl
Sarah. Nineteen. In College. Clarion Univ. PA. Boyfriend. In Love. Hottness. Clever. Witty. Trouble. Good Time.
Smiles
Frowns
Disclaimer
These are my words. My life chillaxin' in webspace. Feel free to read, feel free to not. That's about it when it comes to a disclaimer. Over it! Haha.
Lifes lessons... are so hard.
...written on 2006-09-12, at 12:15 a.m.
We kept it going for three years.
Three years exactly we knew each other and were talking.
All it took was one night.
One night and one big lie.
The biggest mistake of my life.
And now there's no hope.
I should have stuck to the not lying policy.
But I was terrified it would have been worse had the truth been told to begin with.
Who knows? I know I don't.
I just know what happens when you lie.
Lies are never innocent.
Never.
I think a part of me died tonight.
The part that had hopes and dreams.
The part that smiled and laughed.
He said Good-bye.
Good-bye means forever.
We both knew that.
There's nothing I'm proud of now.
I didn't cry.
Not until we got off the phone.
I fought it back.
Then, when he hung up the phone...
I began sobbing. I curled into the tightest fetal ball that I could, and I cried into my pillow.
I don't know how much I'll cry.
I know it will be a lot.
But I don't count now.
I know it's my fault.
I asked for this.
I should have told him I was in love with him again.
I don't know what it would have done.
But at least he would have known.
I bit my lip very hard.
It bled and it tasted bitter.
My tears taste bitter too..
But I don't care.
They just fall.
I'm an idiot.
I've never felt so stupid in my entire life.
I feel no self pity.
I want him to be okay.
I know he's not.
I don't think he ever really will be.
I know I wont either.
But I want him to be okay.
Three years ago we met.
Three years ago we started talking.
And now.. it's over.
He doesnt want me.
He doesn't trust me.
I don't blame him.
I blame me.
I dont have any emotions but sadness...
and regret.
I should have told him I wanted to be with him.
I've been debating when I should.
I kept wanting to just tell him.
But the symbolic part of me wanted to wait until he came for the 6th of October.
Now I'll cry for what's lost.
Please, readers, don't lie. Don't be like me.
You'll always regret it if you do.
Don't let yourself be peer pressured into getting fucked by your "best friend".
They're not your friend if they pressure you.
I learned the hard way.
I love Richard.
I deserve all that comes to me.
I hate you, self.